I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
