I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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