Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
