his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
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At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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