There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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