I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
