So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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