Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
