About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
