I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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