We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
