I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh god it's open bar.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
