I wish i was in the wii world.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
