I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
