I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
