I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
