U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
