so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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