there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
