I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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