Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
now i know why i became what i already was.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
