how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
