I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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