You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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