Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
