Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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