I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
