Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Did you pee in the oven last night??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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