the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
