also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i came on her dog
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
