Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
