What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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