Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
