I will die if light touches me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
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Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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