I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
