i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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