the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
