That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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