I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
