i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
