dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize