the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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