there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
