I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
