so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
