My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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