We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
