Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
