hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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