My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i love accidental penises.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
