Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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