hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am spending my child support on dildos
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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