i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
