My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
