He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Enjoy the penises
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
