mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
