I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
