Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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