I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize