Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
