i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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