She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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