Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
