the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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