we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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