Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
